Friday, September 23, 2005

P-gate: Finally a Scandal That Holds Water

Thank you again, CornetJim, my friend! I'd write a more interesting Intro, but I am too busy laughing!...................T
"Democrats are getting frantic. Time is running out. With all the trash they've piled on Bush, they STILL haven't come up with a viable impeachment issue with any bite, until now. I mean Bush has been dumped on so much; he's had to take out a permit as a landfill. Throughout Bush's political career, the left has deliriously persisted in its regularity in sending up impeachment trial balloons.

Here's a list of junk the Demos have tried to hang our duly elected president: "

1. Cocaine Gate— 30 years ago? What's the statute of limitations? Has Senator Kennedy accounted for his leaving Mary Jo Kopechne to drown while he swam and then ran away? His sole purpose was to save his sorry, never worked a day in his life, anti-USA, pro enemy, career as the Senate's backbiter in chief?
Anyhow, I hear Bush never inhaled. Diagnosis-DEAD.
2. AWOL Gate—Dan Rather stood by this phony story and it ruined his career. Did any Democrat object to President Clintons draft dodging? Diagnosis-DEADER than Dan Blather's legacy as a fair and unbiased reporter.
3. Immigration Gate—Could have legs, but Demos, like Bush are too afraid of losing the ever growing Latino vote. Diagnosis-Ignored and covered up by both sides.
4. Bush a "dumb chimp" Gate—Never could figure out how Demos STILL call Bush dumb, after he totally outmaneuvered them. How do you lose to the brain dead twice and still mock him for it? Diagnosis-DEAD, by political aneurism.
5. Stolen election Gate (part 1) —Supremes stole it! After 8 years of delirious happiness and terrorism preparedness by the Clinton Administration, why didn't Gore win in a landslide? Diagnosis-Settled Law.
6. Stolen election Gate (part 2) —I believe even c-BS has conceded Ohio. Diagnosis-Bush victory.
7. 9/11 Gate—A special place in American history when an ex-governor, Presidential Candidate, and now DNC head, Howie "THE SCREAM" Dean postulated that Bush knew about the WTC and Pentagon attacks IN ADVANCE…without a scintilla of evidence. Diagnosis-Downright Traitorous.
8. Rove/Plame/Wilson Gate—Valerie was exposed as CIA by Novak, not Rove. Bush not implicated. Wilson issued BS report on Saddam's try to buy yellow cake from Niger. Diagnosis-No frosting on that pastry.
9. WMD Gate—Saddam had 'em, used 'em, agreed to get rid of and account for 'em. He failed to account for them in the very least. Wonder where they are. Dems are totally oblivious. If Bush lied, then the Demos were lying from the late 90's through 2003. I've got the quotes to prove it. Diagnosis-The most hypocritically obnoxious charge of all.
10. Iraq Gate—Bush called it like he saw it. Congress backed him almost 100%. Americans didn't buy. They elected Bush over John "Reporting for Duty" Kerry, going away. Diagnosis-Dead.
11. War Gate—The war is being mismanaged. We needed a larger coalition. We need more/less -0- troops. Who knows? Senator Hagel? Senator Kerry?
Seems like a lot of hindsight to me. Should we have waited for a bigger coalition after Pearl Harbor? FDR declared war on Japan and de facto the REST of her allies within 24 hours after attack. The Germans and Italians hadn't assaulted us. BTW., 407,000 US Soldiers were killed during WW2 in the same time 1,900 US troops have been killed in the War on Terrorism, a 407 to 2 ratio. If we had waited for the bought off French, Germans or Russians, we'd be subject to suicide murderers in our cities EVERY DAY! Diagnosis-Only history will judge for sure, but I predict vindication.
12. Cindy Gate—Take the troops out of Iraq AND New Orleans! I'm sorry for her loss and I honor Casey, but this woman needs medical attention. Diagnosis-Delusions of grandeur, multiple personality disorder, (grieving Mom, patriot, traitor, love/hate Bush/America.) Get her a psychiatrist, meds and therapy. STAT!
13. Downing Street Memo Gate—What happened to those hearings Congressman Conyers? Racist politics serve you much better than the former. Diagnosis-Shredded.
14. Katrina Gate—Initial calls of Bush incompetence due to racism totally false and will be remembered by mid America in '06 and '08 elections. Fault now admitted by local officials and Bush. President will turn this poor performance into some of his finest moments. The man already has spent more on the poor and minorities than any President in our history. A gondola for every home? Diagnosis-will vie for highlight of Bush's political career. If anything, the conservatives may impeach him for his uncontrolled spending!
15. Abu Garib Gate—A NY Times orgy of pics and stories. Forget about those nasty beheadings against Jews, Americans and Coalition forces. The times focus is on evil America. Diagnosis-Could the headline, "THANK YOU OSAMA, WE DESERVE ANOTHER." Be too far away?
16. Saddam Gate—When we couldn't find him it was a major issue for the lefties. Now that we've found him, the Southpaws seem to want him back in power. How about a compromise? Make him editor of the NY Times. Diagnosis-That'll please the left and the right.
17. P-Gate—Finally, an issue that's so full of potential, it could burst a bladder. The Dems even have tradition with them. They got Nixon to resign because of Watergate. Imagine, the President of the United States needing a break for a normal body function. Why, we impeached a President for his uncontrolled bodily functions and the cover up. Was it a false alarm? Did Bush wash his hands afterwards? Did he stall excessively by splashing water on his face? Most importantly, DID HE PUT THE SEAT DOWN WHEN FINISHED??? We have a paper trail: http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/050914/ids_photos_ts/r2587077477.jpg (not toilet paper, although I hear Howie Dean is searching UN bathrooms for any and all evidence.) Now all libs need is a cover-up…and not the kind that sits atop toilet seats. Diagnosis-The best chance the sainted left has to pass this President right out of their systems. Too bad, Bush won't have a chance at a fair shake…if you know what I mean.

2 Comments:

splugy said...

I see another trend which goes along with this hilarious column.

The New York Times has simultaniously started charging $49.95 a year to read the nattering whines of their OP-ED gargoyles AND they have announced the layoffs of 500 staff members.

The Times is reaping the rewards for their having been the official mouthpiece for the Dems. I think it has something to do with the words hoist and petard.

splugy said...

Another thought about #4. The dippy Dems have been calling W a moron. They won't get anywhere if they suddenly start calling him a "Whiz Kid".